Please Peruse my New Book Catalog

The other week, I succumbed to an impulse of the moment and ordered a copy of I Am Learning All the Time, a self-published picture book about a 5-year-old bear who is homeschooled. I was overall pleased with it: it's a simple compare-and-contrast story ("My friend who goes to school does this...I do that."), well-written and with quality illustrations. It's printed on good-quality paper and seems well-bound. If it does well enough, the author hopes to write and publish more books about homeschooled kids, and that seems like it would be a good thing.

This morning in the car, though, having lots of thinking time during the 2-hour round trip to fetch Noah, it occurred to me that homeschooling is the only community I've been part of that hasn't produced its own collection of self- or small-press published genre fiction, usually badly written. The lesbian community poured this stuff forth in the 80s and 90s, with everything from romance novels to detective series (some of them quite good) to utopias to the occasional science fiction novel. Quakers are less prolific in this area, but should I be so moved, I could enjoy a Quaker mystery novel or Joan Slonsczewski's story of Quakers in space.

Homeschoolers, on the other hand, have not produced genre literature for their community's pleasure and amusement, that I know of. Sometimes it seems like every homeschool mom in the world has written a book about homeschooling, but bad novels? Alas, no. Probably they're all too busy, but just in case anyone is waiting for inspiration, I offer this short catalog of imaginary books for homeschoolers in several genres:

Mysteries

Death in the Co-op: When the president of the P-CUG (Perfect Children Under God) homeschooling co-op is found dead, there are more potential suspects than slugs in the body: the former president she ousted in a coup two years ago; the member expelled for lying in her statement of faith; even her own teenage daughter, who just wants to wear her hair down and unbutton the very top button of her shirt for once in her life.

Romance 1: The Romeo and Juliet Story

Sam and Annie: Can the unschooled son of atheist intellectuals find love with the modestly-dressed daughter of a QuiverFull wife? Can these two divergent communities find common ground in time to save their children from tragedy?

Romance 2: The Coming-Out Story

The Well of Homeschooliness: When two women meet to plan the annual Catholic curriculum fair, they have no idea that their new friendship will blossom into sexual attraction. Is it love, or sin?

The Post-Apocalyptic Tale

Panic for the Peaceful Parents: When absolutely incontrovertible evidence is discovered that early, structured phonics-based instruction is really the best way for children to learn to read, a Radical Unschooling community must face its deepest fears and darkest demons. Will they come out stronger on the other side, or will the shock destroy them?

Science Fiction

SpaceSchoolers: In the year 2060, all instruction has been replaced with PLUGs--Personal Learning Universal Gadgets--that are implanted in children at age 6. But are the children just learning--or being controlled by a sinister unknown force? A plucky group of tweens, who've been secretly homeschooled, set out to learn the truth about the PLUGs. It is a journey that will take them to places they've never imagined, and rock the very foundation of the society they live in. (Soon to be a major motion picture directed by James Cameron.)